When a state official visited the orphanage, the children were lined up for inspection. As he passed each child, he asked, "What do you want to be someday?"
"A nurse," said a girl, "so I can help sick people."
"Wonderful choice. You are very kind and thoughtful."
The next kid said, "Policeman."
"Commendable. We’ll always need brave policemen."
The official approached Billy. "And what do you want to be someday?"
"A pizza." "Why?" asked the startled official.
"Nobody loves me. But everybody loves pizza."
"He’s a lunatic," the official said to the orphanage director. "No sense squandering tax-payer money on the likes of him. Abandon him in the forest." The director removed Billy’s ORPHAN T-shirt and gave Billy a new one that read, LUNATIC. Putting Billy on a helicopter, they dropped him in a dense forest. Next morning, Billy awoke when a fluffy tail tickled his face.
"What’s a lunatic?" asked a chipmunk, pointing to Billy’s T-shirt.
"Somebody who wastes tax payer money. But I really wanna be a pizza."
"What kind?" "Pepperoni."
"You came to the right place," said the chipmunk. "Stand under that magic tree." When Billy complied, the chipmunk chanted strange words. Billy transformed into a freshly baked pepperoni pizza. The chipmunk called to his fifty relatives. "Look what I have."
"Wow!" they yelled. "Pepperoni pizza! Our favorite!" Between burps, each chipmunk loudly affirmed its undying love for pizza.
I’m finally loved, Billy mused, as a cute girl chipmunk sank her razor-sharp teeth into the last morsel.
submitted at 2:47pm
25 April 2009