Martian Beauty Standards
I saw an ad in the local paper: "Starving Martian Students Pet Beautifying Service will be in town for two weeks. For $1, we guarantee we'll groom your pet to the highest Martian beauty standards. Help us earn enough to pay our continuously escalating tuition costs. Call now for appointment!"
I figured things must be really tough if they had to come all the way to Earth to raise money. Since I'm all for higher education, I called and made an appointment.
When the Martian rang my door bell, I gave him a dollar and my ugly old dog, Brutus. He put Brutus into a weird-looking machine the size of a Grehound bus.
After a few minutes of grinding noise, out popped a block of ice. Brutus was inside.
"Doesn’t he look wonderful?" asked the alien.
Brutus’ head was on backwards. Two legs were missing.
"You killed my dog!" I screamed.
"No. He’s still alive. He’ll defrost in 12 hours."
"But he’s uglier than before. Your ad said very clearly that you'd groom my pet to the highest Martian beauty standards.
"I did," said the student, as he drove off.
submitted at 6:48pm
7 May 2009
Michael's stories have been published by 107 magazines and 30 anthologies.