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Time Warped

I'll be using the only presidential assassination weapon not in US federal custody. Exact same revolver as used on McKinley. A .32 caliber Iver-Johnson, safety automatic, serial number 463344. I have a companyfriend. Cheaper than I'll put the .32 into the service of the good working people of the world once again.

I am going to kill Thomas Midgley Jr. The man who discovers lead added to petrol cures "knocking" in the combustion engine. When it comes to mass destruction, Midgley is in the same car park as the CIA, Hitler, Dr.Oppenheimer and hedge fund managers. Not only does he make it possible for the automobile industry to pump massive amounts of lead into the atmosphere, he also goes on to develop freon, leading to massive depletion of the ozone layer.

Problem is. Midgley strangles himself in 1955. No act of contrition. The inventor is hoisted by his own petard, one of his own contraptions; an elaborate system of strings and pulleys designed to lift him out of bed. But as always causality contrives to get more added value out of his work.

I shall land in Deepwater 1939, the year before he contracts polio. I'll put him out of his misery: one shot in the centre of his brain. Who knows, it might save billions from leaded melanomas. Even if it doesn't, he'll certainly make a great first target. After all it's my machine. I invented it. I have to test it out on someone. My clinical psychologist has suggested Pol Pot. Typical. No imagination.

Story by:

Phil Doran

submitted at 8:56pm

9 May 2009

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