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The Fairest of Them All

The actress gazed at her reflection. "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?"

"Oy," said the mirror. "Not you, darling."

Her face fell. "Yesterday you said I looked mahvelous."

"I’m done with the bullshit, honey. From now on, I’m telling the truth."

She stepped back and admired herself. "And what, dear Mirror, is the truth?"

"You really want to know?"

"Yes, I do."

"Darling, your ass is a fallen soufflé; your bellybutton sits where your nose used to be. Fair is no longer an adjective I can use to describe you."

"But," she whined, "I’ve spent a fortune on cosmetic surgery. I should be the fairest of them all."

"Age happens," quipped the mirror.

Fuchsia nails tore the glass from the wall; minuscule shards spread like marbles across the floor.

"Now," said the actress, "where’s my lipstick?"

Story by:

Heidi Heimler

submitted at 6:27pm

14 May 2009