"Iím so lonely," cried Nessie.
"Itís because youíre uglier than sin," Harry yelled through a bullhorn.
"Why wasnít I born a beautiful butterfly instead of the Loch Ness Monster?"
"Itís the way the cookie crumbles," Harry said.
"Why not take me home with you? You come every day to see me, but stand far away, as if youíre scared of me. I eat algae, not people. If youíre concerned about my welfare, why donít you build a lake behind your house, put me there, and Iíll live happily ever after. You could even sell tickets so people could see me."
"Great idea! Iíll prepare a contract. See you in two hours."
"Wonderful!" Nessie exclaimed, shedding joyful tears.
Harry prepared a contract stating heíd get 99% of ticket sales, snacks, and Loch Ness Monster merchandise. Heíd tell Nessie it was a 50-50 deal. Sheíd never know he was cheating her. Loch Ness Monsters are gullible, uneducated dullards whoíll believe anything.
Returning with the contract, Harry called Nessie. She appeared immediately.
"Hereís the contract. Iím gonna climb down to the shoreline. I tied a pen to this broomstick. Iíll put it in your mouth so you can wiggle your head and make your mark. Thatíll make the contract legal."
Nessie giggled excitedly as he approached. She bowed her head so he could place the broomstick between her incisors.
When he disappeared, she burped loudly.
"Workís every time!" she chuckled, as she descended to her lair for an after dinner nap.
submitted at 3:33am
16 May 2009
Michael's stories have been published by 107 magazines and 30 anthologies.