A Fabulous Concept
Millions of TV watchers will never forget that fateful day. During a Super Bowl commercial break, Miss New World Order announced, "Hereís something new! Jiffy-Dog! A dog in every box! Just pour the powder from this box into a bucket like Iím doing. Next, add some water. Stir three times... and... Jiffy-Dog! A beautiful dog every time."
The screen split into a dozen panels showing people pouring Jiffy-Dog powder into buckets. Suddenly, magnificent fully-grown dogs appeared in every one.
"Tired of cleaning up doggie diamond? Tired of dogs barking and waking you from a sound sleep? Tired of them eating you out of house and home? Try Jiffy-Dog. The instant dog that doesnít eat, sleep, whine, chew your slippers, or have scatological accidents."
One billion boxes sold that day.
I bought the extra-strength model that told a million jokes. Funniest one-liners I ever heard.
My instant dog was a terrific companion. Not only could he do amazing tricks and tell jokes, but he also watched sports on TV with me, something my wife never did.
Three months later, CNN said real dogs were disappearing. Journalists filmed some sleeping under bridges and others in soup lines at rescue missions.
Congress tried to pass legislation to protect abandoned real dogs. They failed, especially when the President, Secretary of State, and Supreme Court Justices switched to Jiffy-Dog.
Eventually, real dogs disappeared from the face of the Earth. Nobody cared. We had Jiffy-Dog.
Then came Jiffy-Cat.
submitted at 2:40am
17 May 2009
Michael's stories have been published by 107 magazines and 30 anthologies.