Thousands of gigantic flying saucers with blinking lights hovered over the entire land-mass and oceans of Earth for three days. The lights spelled out a warning in every lan-guage: REPEAT OR DIE!
Everyone was petrified.
The Amalgamated Nations held emergency meetings with representatives from every nation. After heated discussions, the Secretary General of the AN declared, "We have no choice. We are completely unprepared to resist this Martian threat. Everybody on this planet must perform every action twice as they’ve ordered, or they’ll destroy us."
The Earth’s population was notified of this decision through email, radio announcements, phone calls, TV newscasts, telegrams, loudspeakers, smoke signals, jungle drums, handbills, Morse code, letters, road signs, semaphore, graffiti, theatre marquees, banners, telepathy, and sign language.
Fearing for their lives, Earthlings complied by eating breakfast twice, reading newspapers twice, speaking every sentence twice, brushing their teeth twice, etc.
Nevertheless, Mars attacked and obliterated the entire population of Earth with thermo-nuclear weapons.
"Why didn’t those idiots obey my orders?" yelled Mars’ fanatically religious Emperor. "Stubborn idiots! They could’ve saved themselves."
The Emperor ordered an investigation. A special panel was formed to look into the matter.
Their final report said, "The warning light project for our spacecraft was accidentally outsourced to Goofus, an illiterate, third-world planet near Saturn. We saved the treasury one trillion jeboolas by doing this. However, Goofonians made a typographical error. Unfortunately, the flashing lights on all our spacecraft dispatched to Earth ordered Earth-lings to REPEAT instead of REPENT."
submitted at 3:51am
17 May 2009
Michael's stories have been published by 107 magazines and 30 anthologies.