Hard Lessons of History
"Help! Somethingís wrong with my cat. Sheís the size of an SUV."
"Bring her to my office" said the Vet.
"Iíll come as soon as I can get her loaded on my truck."
When Jim arrived, the amazed vet pressed his stethoscope against the catís side. "What a racket! Sounds like armored vehicles moving inside your cat."
"Can I listen?" asked Jim. The Vet passed the stethoscope.
"Geez. Sounds like helicopters and marching soldiers. Whatís happening?"
"Maybe itís just a noisy digestive system."
"But, it sounds like an army ready to attack," Jim said.
"An army inside your cat? Get a grip."
Suddenly, they heard chain saws. Something inside was cutting holes in the catís side. Tiny tanks and troops rushed out, blasting everything in their paths. Miniature attack helicopters destroyed Jim and the doctor.
This happened everywhere. In three days, Earth was conquered.
"What are our losses?" asked the Emperor of Mars.
"Insignificant," said a general.
"Iím glad you studied Earthís history. You were right by not using large, hollow, wooden horses for our invasion, since that had already been done."
"Turns out it wouldnít have mattered, Highness. Nobody on Earth studies history anymore. We know more about their past than they do."
"To their tremendous disadvantage," said the Emperor. "Those who havenít learned the lessons of the past are doomed to repeat them. Now, letís review our plans to invade the next planet. Tell me, do they have cats on Jupiter?"
submitted at 2:48am
22 May 2009
Michael's stories have been published by 107 magazines and 30 anthologies.