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A Terrible Situation

"Back off!" Larry yelled, clutching a package against his chest. "This is a nuclear weapon. One false move, and Iíll vaporize this city."

The sheriff holstered his pistol. "Okay, you win. Whadda ya want?"

"A Big Mac and a helicopter."

"We donít have a McDonalds. Had to shut it down for not using government approved cooking oils." "Then, Iíll have Wendyís chili."

"Wendyís closed last month. Couldnít afford to install non-gas emitting cooling systems."

"Okay, Iíll take Wal-Martís chocolate chip cookies."

"Wal-Martís gone. Too many people went there. Their combined body heat accelerated global warming."

Larry went through a list of wants, but every place and brand he mentioned no longer existed. "Good grief! What happened while I was in prison?"

"The world became an environmentally friendly place," said the sheriff.

"What the hell can I get besides the copter?"

"We got lotsa nice soy treats, like pizza, wings, soft drinks. Nothing refreshes like a good soy-Coke.

"Soy tastes rotten," Larry said.

"Not if you pour lotsa soy-honey mustard on it."

"Forget it. Just get me the helicopter and cigarettes."

"They stopped making cigarettes."

"Dammit. Get the helicopter, so I can get outta this insane place.

"That ainít fair. We ainít got enough in the city treasury to pay for carbon offsets for a helicopter flight."

"Donít screw around! Iíll set this thing off."

"Come to think of it," the sheriff said, "I wish you would. "

Story by:

Michael A. Kechula

submitted at 4:06am

23 May 2009

Michael's stories have been published by 108 magazines and 30 anthologies.