A Terrible Situation
"Back off!" Larry yelled, clutching a package against his chest. "This is a nuclear weapon. One false move, and Iíll vaporize this city."
The sheriff holstered his pistol. "Okay, you win. Whadda ya want?"
"A Big Mac and a helicopter."
"We donít have a McDonalds. Had to shut it down for not using government approved cooking oils." "Then, Iíll have Wendyís chili."
"Wendyís closed last month. Couldnít afford to install non-gas emitting cooling systems."
"Okay, Iíll take Wal-Martís chocolate chip cookies."
"Wal-Martís gone. Too many people went there. Their combined body heat accelerated global warming."
Larry went through a list of wants, but every place and brand he mentioned no longer existed. "Good grief! What happened while I was in prison?"
"The world became an environmentally friendly place," said the sheriff.
"What the hell can I get besides the copter?"
"We got lotsa nice soy treats, like pizza, wings, soft drinks. Nothing refreshes like a good soy-Coke.
"Soy tastes rotten," Larry said.
"Not if you pour lotsa soy-honey mustard on it."
"Forget it. Just get me the helicopter and cigarettes."
"They stopped making cigarettes."
"Dammit. Get the helicopter, so I can get outta this insane place.
"That ainít fair. We ainít got enough in the city treasury to pay for carbon offsets for a helicopter flight."
"Donít screw around! Iíll set this thing off."
"Come to think of it," the sheriff said, "I wish you would. "
submitted at 4:06am
23 May 2009
Michael's stories have been published by 108 magazines and 30 anthologies.