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The Maltdown

It was one of those places that remind people of how things used to be. They served malts as well as milkshakes, and they brought you the metal containers they were mixed in to boot. And when Perce Lively ordered a Dreamsicle Shake AND a 50/50 Malt, neither on the menu, kindly proprietress Eloise Robeson took it as a challenge: "Give me a few minutes."

14:39 later Perce had before him four containers. He took a sip from Sundae Goblet #1, and his eyes briefly rolled back in his head. "Good shake." But Sundae Goblet #2, requiring extra suction and more mouth-savor, compelled Perce to weep.

He could not stop weeping and sucking. "God bless you, Mrs. Robeson," he muttered between suctions. "O Lord, this is the best . . ." Alas, Percy Lively made an oxymoron of his name when he fell off the soda-fountain stool, dead from brain-freeze.

Story by:

Gary Bowers

30 September 2015