Found in an Antique Shop, Postmarked October 10, 1907
To: Bethany Johnson
34 Hauser Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90035
DO NOT DELIVER until January 9, 2009
I know I havenít been the best boyfriend, but standing you up on our anniversary would suck pretty hard even for me. Youíre not gonna believe this, but I swear itís true. You know that weird metal thing outside the junk shop on Fairfax, that looks like a baby carriage with buttons on it? Itís a time machine. No, really. I slipped on some dog crap and grabbed it and next thing I knew I was sitting in the mud and nearly got run over by a horse and carriage.
I tried to get back, but I guess the thing doesnít exist in 1907 or I donít know where to find it, I canít just go ask people where I can find a mad scientist or something. People already think Iím nuts -- wearing a hoodie and jeans gets you some weird looks around here. But I found a guy who wanted some junk hauled out of his yard and he paid me so I bought some 1907 clothes. Got this dude in a bakery to hire me to put bread in the oven. Iím sorry I said cooking was for wusses... Iíve burned my hand three times and it hurts so hard I can barely write. I need to go anyway, the boss wonít like it if my hand hurts too much to work tomorrow and they havenít invented Advil yet.
Anyway, who knows if youíll get this, but if you do, it was me who forgot to take your sweater out of the dryer and shrunk it to Barbie size, and Iím sorry I blamed it on your sister. I hope you guys are speaking again.
submitted at 9:15pm
30 August 2009
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