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Thomas O'Malley

Thomas O'Malley was a complex man. He was the quintessential emasculated man. His very presence was enough to cause earthquakes, and his piercing wit caused small animals to die.

When blinking the force was enough to create light, thus illuminating all that trembled in trepidation and awe.

Among his many life accomplishments he created the word cosmopolitanism, which refers to the ism of cosmo. He was also co-writer of The Jetsons, providing all the dialogue. He drew the dialogue from his experiences of existence in the future.

His pet dog was made of crystals. When he took his dog for a walk it glistened majestically in the sun's warm rays. The light would refract off his canine companion and cause many the bushfire.

When thinking of Tom people become overcome with alexithymia. Indeed the natural curve of his hair was enough to ward off evil spirits and help reach nirvana. Tomís arm hair was made of radiation and as such it gave any who came in contact with it superpowers.

When making eye contact with him, it was said that one could see the face of God in those steely blue eyes. His stubble was sharp enough to slice bread, although it was never done as the bread would burst into flames on contact.

His good looks caused mass discombobulation because he was also dicephalous. When masturbating everyone in a 10 kilometre radius would also orgasm.

To touch his skin would result in the death of you and your entire family, especially your cat.

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submitted at 4:47am

21 October 2009