The Emperor of Mars sent 7-billion pepperoni pizzas to Earth as a peace gesture.
Earth's Illustrious Pooh-bah was so grateful he declared a global holiday to honor the Emperor. Everyone on Earth received a pizza, and gobbled it up.
That night, Illustrious Pooh-bah yelled over TV, "This is an emergency. The FBI discovered that Martian pizzas contain tiny nuclear bombs. Martians might detonate them any minute. Induce vomiting. Rush to hospitals!"
Vomit flooded the streets. Hospitals were overwhelmed.
The Emperor pressed a button. Billions of Earthlings exploded.
"I told you they'd eat free pizzas," General Gggg told Mars' Emperor, as they viewed billions of little, nuclear mushroom clouds through telescopes.
"True. But many vomited enough to eject the bombs. They're still alive."
"No problem. Let's send Earthlings chocolate chip cookies with bombs inside."
"Can we fool them twice?"
"Sure. They have notoriously short memories and can't resist chocolate chip cookies."
Mars conquered Earth without firing a shot.
submitted at 6:20pm
30 September 2010