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Declan: The man, the story, the legend

Declan was a man among men. He would go down in history as the greatest man to have ever lived with such fabled names as:Cripple Sticks and That guy who works at Supabarn.

He lived a full life, marrying a supermodel at the age of 23. They had steamy sex and the occasional threesome.

Unfortunately disaster struck as he developed a crack addiction. He sold his house to afford his drug habit and moved to the ghettos. His wife left him, and he was a raving racist. So the ghetto life did not treat him well.

He reached infamy when he shot Tupac Shakur and JFK. But redeemed himself by giving birth to our lord Jesus of Nazareth. He was also Mussolini.

He recovered from this slump by becoming a born again Christian. But people sick of preachy Christians passed legislation to make Christianity illegal. He got hunted down and killed. Luckily God seemed to favour Declan so he gave him a second chance.

Declan was reincarnated as the Dalai Lama. Being a religous figure head suited Declan well. He brought Buddhism out of the age of compassion and understanding and into the age of bloodthirsty war. Buddhists took over the world under Declan's regime.

Declan became drunk with power and was eventually assasinated by JFK who had also been reincarnated.

Declan spent the remainder of eternity chilling in heaven with Leonardo Da Vinci. But Declan was all...ewww, he's a little bit gay.

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submitted at 2:05am

13 March 2009