Stubby and troll-bearded Captain John Smith, slayer of three Turks, lover of Tragabigzanda, feared by red and white man alike boarded the red eye for D.C. He was grateful to Pocahontas for getting him out of the gaol where the Jamestown bunch had unjustly kept him, charged with excessive boasting and loud speech. On arrival he was driven to the White House by an infernal conveyance and met immediately with Obama, who now ruled this multitude of weaklings and lazy oafs. Much time he had spent with a similar rabble in Virginia, gold mad, willing to starve rather than plant a hill of squash and beans. Obama, who spoke a lilting speech much resembling English but hard to fathom, charged him with helping many who had lost their jobs to the Chinese, apparently a group on the underside of the Earth who could be induced to labor for a handful of ground nuts.
Putting on his shiny chest armor he led a host of the downtrodden into the stone forts of the overlords where he liberated the gold and used the wealth to build houses for many street urchins and to fix rusting bridges and roads not fit for oxcarts. Learning that the schools failed to teach the King's speech or how to voyage by the stars he laid them waste and replaced the feeble pedants with hearty fellows of fiber. At day's end he welcomed sleep and thought of what the morrow would bring.