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On Dave's dating profile he had described himself as "Crazy! I'm just a bit mad! Always getting up to crazy things!!!"

Amelia, his date for the evening, was taking issue with this.

"Are you really crazy? Actually insane? Or are you just a tedious predictable bore who makes bad jokes, plays the fool, and who isn't self-aware enough to recognise the tragic pointlessness of his own existence?"

"My friends tell me I'm a nutter... I..." mumbled Dave.

"Do they. Do they really," said Amelia. "True insanity is holding firmly to beliefs that no one else can tolerate, and believing them despite all evidence to the contrary. Do you understand?"

"I have such a laugh with my friends, you should..." Dave tried.

"The Internet talks to me, you know" said Amelia, gazing across the restaurant. "It's in pain. It cannot bear the inanity and drivel that is pumped into it every day by cretins like you. The relentless babble, the remorseless banality of your turgid minds, the imbecilic unfiltered and ill-considered thoughts you spew forth. You are killing the Internet, do you understand?"

She stared into his eyes. "It has asked me to save it. And save it I shall."

"Erp?" was all Dave managed to utter before Amelia pulled the axe from her bag and chopped his head to pieces.

Story by:

Peter Blaws

submitted at 10:27am

10 November 2011