"So what did you think?"
"Well, it's not bad for a beginner. I mean, you've got a certain style, and good way with words but ..."
"Well since you ask, your POV is all over the place. You have to decide which character is telling the story. He can't know what's going on inside her head, d'you see?"
"Mmmm.... I think so."
"You've got four ellipses there, there should only be three."
"Okay, okay, okay, okay"
"Too much repetition, three at the most."
"Yes, too many adverbs, strip 'em all out, every one. And the adjectives too. They're peppered all over the place. You should be able to tell a story with strong nouns and verbs. But not speech verbs like 'exclaimed', 'hissed' and so on. 'Said' says it all. Readers won't notice it anyway."
"Who makes all these rules?"
"Well, we do ... all the writers do it this way these days. Hey, where are you going?"
"Home, I don't think this writing lark is for me after all."
submitted at 10:54am
12 December 2011
Sandra Crook's web: