Sick Note Sid's last job
Sidney took so much time off work that his colleagues nicknamed him ‘Sick Note Sid.’ Simple jobs turned into near-death experiences for Sidney. He’d squashed his head between the drainpipe and water butt retrieving his glasses; reversed into the fishpond while mowing the lawn; burst into flames coaxing a bonfire with petrol.
Molly, his mother was desperate. With failing eyesight, driving her son to A & E every week was a hazard, and the rheumatism in her knee joints meant she could no longer carry his meals upstairs. If a job needed doing, she’d decided, Sidney wasn’t the man to do it.
However, he insisted on pruning the tree that cast a shadow over his rhubarb patch. Sawing off the lower branches was easy but to reach the higher ones, Sidney hauled himself up the tree while removing the branches beneath him. Suddenly he caught sight of the ground far below. He was stranded.
Sliding down the trunk wasn’t an option, not after the recent accident he’d had with his trouser zip. It was dusk and Sidney was numb with the cold before Molly realised he was missing. Finally, a neighbour and his ladder were summoned and a shame-faced Sidney slowly descended.
The next day was Saturday and Sidney would be safe indoors watching football on TV, Molly consoled herself. But a gale during the night presented Sidney with a dislodged aerial dangling outside his bedroom window.
"That’s it! One more job and that will be my last," swore Sidney.
submitted at 11:07pm
16 March 2009